this is such a shame…

this is such a shame…

i know that weeks or even a month has passed and yet, i am still like this…

maybe the wounds isn’t that fresh anymore but,,, those are still wounds…

i don’t know, when the heck shall they heal???

i’m freaking tired and this is fuckin difficult…

i want to focus w/ such impt things but my heart is saying that he is still important…

fuck! he’s gone! why can’t i accept that fact???

now that he’s not around, that he’s literally away from me ( and from our org because of what happened),,,  it’s more difficult that i am freaking longing and i don’t know if he still feels the same way… sheeshh… this is such a desperate act…

maybe i aint feeling the same thing,,, but that feeling didn’t die off… i still have feelings for him ( and i don’t know what’s that… maybe love? lesser love? but it’s still love…)…

errr… i really wanted to delete everything that has his marks… my blogs, his txt messages, the pics of his notebook that has doodles of my name from bianx in my fone, my first dedicate song to him in my fone… but then, i can’t… i don’t know why?

i’ve already sealed all those things that he gave me in a paperbag… even the shirt that he gave ( his birthday gift) that i wore weeks ago, just to give him hints that he is still welcome… dayum,,, shame on me…

i want to move on! but i can’t… oh gwad!

ok, if this week… nothing happens,,, then this is it…

i think i should stop longing…

i think…

i think he doesn’t need me anymore… that he has overcomed his past problem…

that should be a sign…

it should be…

+++++++++

okay, i thought that entry is over, but i stll want to burst things…

now what???  i supposed i’ve said everything?

next week shall be my hell week, i hope he shall not interfere with it… now how about my signs?

hayyy…

last tuesday, i was such a paranoid… i was like, what if he falls for another? but the reason why we broke up is that he can’t give me enough attentions… connection? just connect it…

i can’t take this anymore…

i know time shall heal…

but when???

i want to be okay now…

i want to feel okay…

but how?

~ by geexie on August 5, 2007.